You look Familiar

Off late I have started using five sentences more frequently.

1) Let me think about it

2) Give me sometime to think about it

3) I think I am not interested.

4) Take it easy

Or the clichéd 5) let me get back to you.

All the above statements technically have only one meaning when it comes to marketing – Just F*** Off. To me Just F*** off is as good as the other three.

I like people marketing their products and ideas. I sincerely think that marketing is important and it is a win-win situation in life. The benefit that I get out of someone marketing a product/service is the knowledge of the same. What I don’t like is people cheating or exaggerating more than what they are in the pretext of selling an idea or a product.

Honesty is all I expect from any one when trying to sell something to me. If he is honest in what he says and if I feel that he believes in what he says I would definitely give it a try. I get turned off if people try to doubt my intelligence and treat me like joke.

Couple of years back when I was eating in one Indian restaurant in Stamford, I befriended the owner. I like that guy because of his brutal honesty. He never asked for my suggestion about his food. One day I casually asked him if he ever ate in his restaurant implying the degrading quality of the foodJ. He apologized to me and told me that he himself is in fact planning to change the chef. He said, he wants to serve quality food for the price we pay and he is trying to bring good cooks from India. He requested me to continue to come and give him my honest feedback in private. I really liked his honesty. I kept going to the same place until I was there in that town.

As I moved out of that town couple of months back, last weekend I went to this new Indian restaurant. If I am going with my friends I normally leave it to their choice and just eat and get out without commenting about the quality of the food. I try my best to avoid giving criticism unless asked. This time I went all by myself. I read reviews praising this place as one of the best in the country. My expectation was already very high for this place before stepping in. It’s a north Indian restaurant and menu featured the typical Indian restaurant in America menu. Not one item differed from the standard list. I had absolutely no surprises on that front. I ordered an appetizer, a soup and an entry. It sucked. I was very angry already because I couldn’t complete even one dish that they brought. I didn’t show my anger or pass any comment as the server was a polite guy and he asked me if I want any desert. I rarely eat desert with my meal, so I turned it down. I don’t know if the server was ashamed of the food himself or he had something else to do he didn’t bring my check but the owner brought it to my table. The food was flagrantly highly priced even by the Indian restaurant standards. I kept quiet and simply paid it by cash. When he brought back my change he asked for my suggestion. I smiled and in a joking way told him that I am hungry that I have to find another good restaurant now to eat. Man you should see his face. It turned red. He started defending his restaurant saying that it is the best and so on. I absolutely had no patience to listen to him; I simply told him to “Take it easy” and got out of that place. Only I knew what I actually meant.


I don’t want to start saying things about Amway; I know I am not the only one to run if I see anyone anywhere associated with that. J. Have you seen them introducing themselves to an absolute stranger? ‘Hey, you look familiar’, ‘Are you related to the guy from Bangalore’, ‘did you go the university in that town or the near by town?’, ‘you work in the company that he works’, ‘I want to share a business plan with you’ or the regular ‘you look familiar’ lines. These days there are clones to it. ‘Hey me and my friends are starting a networking site’, ‘Are you into orkut or face book?’ One day I surprised a guy in Wal-Mart. A desi guy out of blue came smiling towards me and said ‘You must be from Chennai’, I smiled and replied ‘and you must be from Amway’. He was embarrassed and surprised at the same time. I told him my theory on how to spot an Amway guy, he just couldn’t stop laughing or pretending to laugh. We had a cup of coffee after that in the near by shop. After 15 minutes he invited me to his diwali get together with his friends. I told him that I would like to but his Amway buddies there would bore me to death. He couldn’t hide his disappointment and threw in the traditional sales pitch. Guess what did I say?’ Give me sometime to think about it’. I gave the wrong phone number as usualJ. Praise the lord for giving those lines. Amen J

View on Marriage?

My friend asked me a question today, “What’s your view on Marriage”. He warned me not to bull shit and write what I really think. This is one of the topics that hit me more often these days than it used to be in the past. It is probably because all my friends are married or getting married now. All marriages fall into one of the following categories below.

1) Boredom – Guy lives longer outside their family and eventually after getting bored living all by themselves find a girl to bore all their life.
2) Watch Dogs – Guy needs someone to take care of their family, parents, etc.
3) So-called Love marriage – Guy meets a girl when he was in school or college or office(S). He had been flirting with her for a while and now he wants to marry her to have sex. If he had already screwed her, then he marries her out of compulsion from her.
4) Calling-bell syndrome – Even we don’t answer calling bells in our home sometime but there are guys whose pants don’t stand on their hip when they reach a certain age. This is purely dependent on the caste, community, and place and of course family. The reason given for this syndrome is always the same “ We won’t find a girl in our community after certain age” or “They might think you have a health problem”
5) Nagging – Some parents nag their kids so much that they are forced to marry. The reason given by parents, ‘You should be responsible’, ‘I should see a grandchild’, ‘I should see your marriage before I die’, ‘You are not coming home properly/eating properly, etc’. To me all this is bullshit. The real reason behind this is just social pressure.
6) Rhetoric style – Some people start their married life in a rhetoric fashion. They justify their marriage by asking ‘What did I do without marrying?’ or ‘I don’t see a reason why not to marry’, etc

To me the Billy Crystal style(“When Harry met Sally”) – “When I know you are the one whom I want to spend the whole life with, I want it to start right away’, ‘I like your eyes twitch when you look at me like I am an idiot’ and all those lines are just movie ending monologues.

We live in a society full of dogmas and social pressures. People have so many stigmas and tend to stick to it even more when they grow older. The traditional word of conservatism is sometime used in appropriately and equated to grouse parochialism. People find one or more of the above reasons mentioned to rationalize the things they do. To me it’s like finding a cure for all diseases with one pill. Marriage is a pain reliever that can just alleviate the pain for a while and cannot cure it. Marriage to me is a social dogma. It’s a license to have sex and procreate. We do everything like animals. We eat, shit, sleep and think (animals think too). Animals live as pack or herds. We call it society. Animals like humans defend their territory too. Humans are just animals who fail to realize they are one of those animals and form complex relationships unlike animals. I agree that we should have emotions (again an animal instinct) but to show emotions (any kind of emotion for that matter. Sex is definitely one of them) only to a married individual seems so ridiculous to me. I therefore don’t believe in the modern institution of marriage and living with only one individual all my life. If I have to be contend with just one I may as well be contended with none. If not, why should I put a limit to myself by marrying just once?

To me Marriage is one of the best hypocrisy human species has created. Can I escape from it? Well I have to answer that rhetorically by asking if I have escaped any of the other hypocrisies.

Silence is Golden

“We can meet at 9 am”, I can over hear Gene telling his customer in my adjacent cubicle. Gene worked on his real estate business at office hours. He is a trained Civil Engineer who worked on his engineering career when he came from Soviet Union in the early eighties to the US. He worked on that career until he got his green card when he finally switched to computer programming at the height of the computer boom. Gene speaks English with a thick east European accent. Having lived in the US for almost 20 years hasn’t changed his accent or his ways of thinking.

Although I knew him only for a short period of time then (this is almost 6 years back) he inspired me with his outlook on life. For everything under the sun he has an alternate theory. We synched very well as I have my own take on everything that happens from war to poverty to mundane activities of life. It was him who practically proved me that beliefs are hard to change. Although I am a skeptic in general I usually hurt people in arguments and discussions when it comes to disagreement. It could be because of my age too (I was 24). I was childish in many aspects. He pointed out without hurting me or advising me. It’s hard to explain that but easy when we start taking even the sweetest thing with a pinch of salt, he said. He taught me to laugh at myself and brush aside the human ironies. He really made me see everyone as equal.

I remember one incident when “big P” our senior VP got snubbed by him on a cold winter night. We were standing in the cold night jumpstarting the car when big P came and spoke to us about some project details. He simply snubbed him by making fun of his untimely conversation and laughing at him. Big P couldn’t hide his embarrassment to me, he simply smiled and without another word bid good night to us and left the spot. I was literally shocked and couldn’t control my laughter. I laughed out my stomach when Big P left the spot. I didn’t want to be rude you know. :-)

I asked Gene how he could do that to him. Did he feel very difficult to say that to him because he is high up in the food chain? He answered with a simple NO. I was still not convinced at his reaction as I was not used to this. I am known to sucking people who are older to me even though they might say stupidest of things and bore me to death.

He told me that humans like animals have to be approached in an appropriate way. ‘You don’t attack a horse on its back do you?’ he said

The incident made me think. The introspection gave me more clarity in handling things. I slightly changed my approach to all the challenges that I came across. I started putting my ideas in a more practical and politically clear tone. I asked people’s ideas even before going to the meeting. I postponed meetings if my hand in the table is slightly less and worked with individual team members to come to a common ground. I tried not to invite people who don’t get along with each other to the same meeting. I liberally gave credit to everyone. I stood back and let others lead when people didn’t like my idea or if my ideas didn’t work. I followed them without any grudge.

Guess what, a year later people told me that I am more matured now and prepared to take up more responsibilities. The fact is the year before I worked my ass out and didn’t see one promotion but that year I saw 2 promotions in the same year. It’s all about consensus building and proceeding towards the goal.

I see that people who are successful and happy are people who can build consensus not who are just brilliant. I believe there should be enough brilliance to understand and enough humility to hear what others say. I face challenges in my work and life everyday. Some gives me good stress and some really really bad. Although I don’t know the outcome of everything that I do but I do know one thing, I will always approach everything with confidence and a sense of doing my karma, above all with a self deprecating humor. Like how Gene would say, good or bad take it with a pinch of salt.

These days I hardly talk like how I used to be. I simply write when I feel like and listen all other time.

Yesterday’s debate

Political debates have become more like sitcoms. They are well scripted and candidates just stick to their talking points. Obama sounded more like a constructive socialist or what I would call as free market socialist. McCain sounded like a capitalist with no common sense. He sounded like a typical villain of the communist movies. Even when everyone is getting hurt he doesn’t want to lower taxes for the working class people and worse he adds fuel by saying that he will cut on the capital gain taxes. I have no clue about what that lingo mean but from what the experts say only millionaires gain by that tax cut. I am no expert in economics, so I don’t want to ramble about it. The point is even to a dumb audience like me, the candidates’ ideological difference is clear. Obama has the bottom up approach and McCain has the top-down approach. McCain says government will cut taxes for the companies, there by helping the companies to generate more jobs. Obama on the other hand says people should be taxed according to their wealth. Rich should be taxed more and poor should be taxed less. He also says government should undertake public works in tough times to generate more jobs.
The print media is complaining that both candidates are not specific about their priorities and are not accepting realities. The intelligentsia is lashing out at both candidates for not explaining how they will fund their programs and balance their budget. The more I read about politics and economy in the western print media the more I detest the absence of press freedom in India. How many times have we heard about politicians discussing economy in India in an intelligent manner? Indian elections are fought more on cultural grounds as there is no distinguishing economic policy difference in whoever comes to power. All the cultural stereotypes that exist are primarily created by the politicians’ partisan ideas to divide the people and win elections. Religious and Caste politics are examples of senseless society that cares less for community. Power abuse, corruption, neglect and an iron curtain bureaucracy is all we have left in our country. We have abused our democracy so much that I simply detest democracy in a country like ours. If we don’t control the chaotic nature of our country by reforming ourselves, I strongly believe that we will cease to exist as a single nation.

Friendship?

Yoga is a “nityakarma”, writes my friend in his new blog. He boldly states the wisdom of the sages that it is a duty that one has to treat himself with, everyday.

Man, I know this guy all through my sane life. I have always remembered him as a principled guy. The guy not only just reads a book but really understands and follows the good portions of it. When we were in school he was sincere and a ritualistic guy. I saw subtle changes in him when he was in college, and, the years after that he turned more inwards I guess. The one fact about him remains the same over the years, he being a karma yogi. It gives him the strength and the courage to do anything under the sun. Often times I wonder where in the world he gets so much energy to do these things that he does.

My friend could draw a cartoon in few minutes when we were kids. I used to be so proud of him and tell my parents about it then. To this date whenever I mention his name my mom asks me if he is drawing cartoons these days. I tell my mom that he’s a painter and not into cartoons anymore.

I saw an advertisement for the ridiculous program by Paris Hilton called “BFF”- Best friends for ever. In this program contestants participate to become her best friends. She conducts various competitions and finally selects a person who she can hang out with. First of all the show is totally retarded not because of its idea but because the way it is taken. Secondly I find it strange that people do apply to these competitions to be friends with her.

My initial reaction to it was ‘Com’On, don’t insult my good friends’ but on a careful second thought I think friendship is tough to define and it doesn’t have a common definition across the board. Every one defines it in his/her own way. I have asked people about this and quite honestly I have heard some strange answers. Sometimes it is quite contradicting too. They range from people saying that money spoils friendship to some saying money is the only way to show true friendship, and, some saying one who drinks with them to one who prevents them from drinking and so on. Some guys really felt embarrassed when I asked them this question. J. Almost all the girls answered quiet honest for this question. They spoke right from their heart. Well at least I felt that way. Some people would want my opinion first. To those I would say that my definition is more of old school, “Uyir kudupaan thozhan” (Friend is one who is worth giving your life for). Whoever asked my response either made fun of my answer or said they were not like me.

Honestly if I put the pedestal so high even I wouldn’t qualify to be anybody’s best friend. So the above line would be possible in movies but in my short life so far I have come to realize that people come and go but very few leave memories to cherish for your life. Some continue throughout your life and even by their simple mundane activity make you proud of them and happy about them. To me one such person is a true friend and I am sure at least I have one BFF who practices and writes about “Yoga”.

Lessons from Bharatham

I was reading about Dhritharashtra’s repentance about Duryodhana’s deeds in my daily pages of the Mahabharatham. Dhritharashtra goes to the public and tells them how much his son has sinned and asks for their forgiveness. One person is nominated by the public to speak for them. The common man praises Duryodhana, the king as a noble person who put people before himself. He goes on and on about his good deeds and finally says that he lost his Kingdom and himself not because he was unjust to the public but he was unjust to another King. The great sage Vyasa comes here and tells them that no one is to be blamed here and it’s only the time that has caused these miseries. No one is a winner in this war. The pandavas won this war at a huge cost. The war costed them almost everything including their sons. This draws a beautiful parallel with American war on Iraq. Is Sadaam the Duryodhana of the war who did good things for his people but caused great distress for America? Is bush the Arjuna in the war?
I know, I know the very thought of W being compared to Arjuna might make everyone laugh. In Mahabharatham, Duryodhana is considered as the nature of “Kali” (Destruction, Greed, Jealous, etc) and Yudhistra as the personification of Truth himself. In modern times everyone has qualities more like Duryodhana rather than any other characters in the Bharatham.
In conclusion, I think in this world the only truth will be destruction in some form or the other (W or S it doesn’t matter. I think both are politicians and people are the losers). I am not saying because of my pessimism but with a sense of rationalism that makes me see things as they are and not judge anyone by their actions as the intent behind every action has become questionable.

Sense of Humor

I recently read a blog in the washingtonpost.com about Sarah Palin and how she is viewed in Russia and other European countries. Man, it's damn funny. All liberal news channels make fun of her everyday. Now the phenomenon has crossed the ocean. For some reason, Indian news media lacks the sarcasm and the pun that is seen in the western newspapers, besides few weekly's like Thuglag in tamil and may be outlook in english. Most of the Indians in my view cannot laugh at themselves and news papers fear legal suits and vandalism from the politicians. When i was young my brother somehow gets all these foreign magazines and tells me all the fundoo trivia's all the time. He once told me that press freedom is India is far less compared to the western countries. I was astonished and i simply couldn't digest the aforesaid fact. I was a sincere "The Hindu" reader (which now i know is a fucking conservative paper as comparable to WSJ) and thought press freedom is great. I always asked my brother if its true and pressed for examples. My brother would give me simple examples to make me understand still i would never get convinced. But brother I think, now i understand what you meant. I totally accept that the Indian press freedom is fucked up and Indian liberal ideas have a long way to go.

Have you noticed that most of the Indians cannot take a joke on their community or language or caste or anything for that matter?
Someone told me Sardars can laugh at themselves. If someone tells me this anymore, i have no choice other than to laugh out my ass. I have seen some sardars who are more fanatic and conservative than the so-called south-indian-conservative.

I have come to a conclusion that if there needs to be progress in our country and if we can learn something from the west. It's their sense of humor.

[P.S - US is so big and i am considering only the liberal america. Some people in the heartland have more phobias than the dictionary could list. I call them Indians of America.]