Silence is Golden

“We can meet at 9 am”, I can over hear Gene telling his customer in my adjacent cubicle. Gene worked on his real estate business at office hours. He is a trained Civil Engineer who worked on his engineering career when he came from Soviet Union in the early eighties to the US. He worked on that career until he got his green card when he finally switched to computer programming at the height of the computer boom. Gene speaks English with a thick east European accent. Having lived in the US for almost 20 years hasn’t changed his accent or his ways of thinking.

Although I knew him only for a short period of time then (this is almost 6 years back) he inspired me with his outlook on life. For everything under the sun he has an alternate theory. We synched very well as I have my own take on everything that happens from war to poverty to mundane activities of life. It was him who practically proved me that beliefs are hard to change. Although I am a skeptic in general I usually hurt people in arguments and discussions when it comes to disagreement. It could be because of my age too (I was 24). I was childish in many aspects. He pointed out without hurting me or advising me. It’s hard to explain that but easy when we start taking even the sweetest thing with a pinch of salt, he said. He taught me to laugh at myself and brush aside the human ironies. He really made me see everyone as equal.

I remember one incident when “big P” our senior VP got snubbed by him on a cold winter night. We were standing in the cold night jumpstarting the car when big P came and spoke to us about some project details. He simply snubbed him by making fun of his untimely conversation and laughing at him. Big P couldn’t hide his embarrassment to me, he simply smiled and without another word bid good night to us and left the spot. I was literally shocked and couldn’t control my laughter. I laughed out my stomach when Big P left the spot. I didn’t want to be rude you know. :-)

I asked Gene how he could do that to him. Did he feel very difficult to say that to him because he is high up in the food chain? He answered with a simple NO. I was still not convinced at his reaction as I was not used to this. I am known to sucking people who are older to me even though they might say stupidest of things and bore me to death.

He told me that humans like animals have to be approached in an appropriate way. ‘You don’t attack a horse on its back do you?’ he said

The incident made me think. The introspection gave me more clarity in handling things. I slightly changed my approach to all the challenges that I came across. I started putting my ideas in a more practical and politically clear tone. I asked people’s ideas even before going to the meeting. I postponed meetings if my hand in the table is slightly less and worked with individual team members to come to a common ground. I tried not to invite people who don’t get along with each other to the same meeting. I liberally gave credit to everyone. I stood back and let others lead when people didn’t like my idea or if my ideas didn’t work. I followed them without any grudge.

Guess what, a year later people told me that I am more matured now and prepared to take up more responsibilities. The fact is the year before I worked my ass out and didn’t see one promotion but that year I saw 2 promotions in the same year. It’s all about consensus building and proceeding towards the goal.

I see that people who are successful and happy are people who can build consensus not who are just brilliant. I believe there should be enough brilliance to understand and enough humility to hear what others say. I face challenges in my work and life everyday. Some gives me good stress and some really really bad. Although I don’t know the outcome of everything that I do but I do know one thing, I will always approach everything with confidence and a sense of doing my karma, above all with a self deprecating humor. Like how Gene would say, good or bad take it with a pinch of salt.

These days I hardly talk like how I used to be. I simply write when I feel like and listen all other time.